$9.3 Million Brownstone Owner Relies on Etsy Black Lives Matter Sign to Justify Blocking Affordable Housing in Neighborhood
Cobble Hill resident's moral framework costs $34.99; sign now working overtime after she called police on teenagers playing rap music in park
COBBLE HILL — The Black Lives Matter sign in the window of a $9.3 million brownstone on Clinton Street is “working harder than any sign has ever worked,” according to internal sources familiar with the owner’s recent community board activities. The sign was reportedly purchased from a sustainable signage company on Etsy for $34.99, and has been given the task of offsetting homeowner Emma Whitefield’s opposition to proposed affordable housing development thirty blocks away.
“I am all for affordable housing, but that development would simply change the personal character of our neighborhood,” Whitefield, wearing a KN-95 mask from her bedroom, commented during last Tuesday’s board meeting. Behind her the sign sat beside unopened dusty copies of Percival Everett’s ‘James’ and Ibram X Kendi’s ‘How to Be a Antiracist’ while charred remains of a ‘Catcher in the Rye’ lined the newly renovated fireplace.
“The sign is the moral framework of Cobble Hill,” said neighbor Tom Peterson, who has recently employed an “In This House We Believe” sign doing similar work. “Without the signs, we’d just be rich people protecting our property values.
Recent reports claim the sign has reportedly been asked to work overtime ever since Whitefield called the police at 8PM on a group of teenagers playing rap music in the park.
“They were being disruptive, there’s kids around” she explained, gripping onto her sign. Real estate records show Whitefield purchased the brownstone in 2019 for $7.2 million.
Asked how a pottery artist could afford such a Brownstone, the recent Sarah Lawrence graduate stated “hard work and luck.” Insider sources recently reported that her father, one of the most prominent big-oil defense lawyers, had endowed her with an additional trust fund.